Are they?

Many a man does not have a girlfriend, yet a girlfriend has him

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Many a woman does not have a boyfriend, yet a boyfriend has her.” Allow me twist Mokokoma’s saying abit for I believe it’s the case for a great percentage of opposite gender best friend relationships.

In many such bestie relationships at least one of them harbors a silent prayer that one day bestie dearest will see their love for what it is, not that of a friend but of a lover. The information I am giving you is not only based on the novels I have read and the movies I have watched but also on specimen me. Unfortunately, I have been a victim in the past. I also know a real story or two that has had a bestie plot twist.

At this point I want to carry out research on those opposite sex besties who have success stories. I want them to be honest with me that never at anyone point did they harbor silent wishes that their besties would turn into something more. I want each of them to look me straight in the eye and give me honest answers for I am convinced one person in each opposite gender best friend relationship I would approach would consent to my assertion.

I conclude by saying that some “besties” have ended up living happily forever after. It’s enviable to find besties who get married. Their relationships are quite richer and healthier for they relate with their spouses both as friends and lovers. I know besties that turned into hubbie and wifie. Before it all happened, bestie(now hubbie) was her refuge after every stormy relationship. She would run to him every time her relationships crushed. He knew of every heartbreak she had suffered and new love escapades. One day, bestie dearest took a leap of faith. Many years later, they have two charming sons and a thriving marriage.

Others have ended up losing on two fronts for crossing the bestie line. They lose a best friend and a lover. There are some who have worked through their infatuations and figured they cannot trade losing a best friend on grounds of a romance gone sour. Now those are the lucky few who have their opposite sex besties. Though when one of them gets married, boundaries have to be set. Do I know any in real life in my circle of friends and acquaintances? Unfortunately no! They might be there for who am I to assume that I know my friends’ life stories in all totality? What I know is what they’ve shared and vice versa. It’s very hard for a group of people to know one’s life story from A to Zee even when they are friends.

The last category, one where I plead guilty, is when one falls deeply and madly in love with a dearest friend. Waits for eternity for bestie to acknowledge it’s mutual but in vain. Tries all possible ways to cajole bestie to admit to loving her because she gets frustrated for having been friend zoned by bestie. She distances herself from the relationship since she has successfully failed at accepting the “Best Friend Only” status in his life. She walks way thinking either bestie will admit to loving her the way she does him or she will learn to live without bestie.

Guess what “dearest friend” does? He doesn’t give up on their friendship. He looks for her. He calls a gazillion times without her picking up. One day she does. She accepts they will always be friends and she will never be more than that to him, but their friendship changes. They stay friends and never the best of friends. They still meet. Her heart has accepted things for what they are for she has stopped reading between the lines of his sweet gestures. He made it clear who they are. All the red lights are still there for he speaks of how he will only get married when he meets the right lady.

What this writer has are lots of Bluetooth male friendships. The kind where when we are in close proximity our “devices get connected”. We laugh and talk about anything and everything. We have many shared experiences that connect us. But when we depart from each others’ company, that’s where our friendship ends, to be rekindled when we meet again. This writer has plenty of female best friends though. At the end of the day, maybe the health of those relationships depends on the emotional and mental maturity of the parties involved. Their personality types and love languages.

Allow me say that in the end, the heart wants what it wants. It has a mind of its own. With the heart, anything is possible. Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life. Each of us has the responsibility of guarding his/her own heart. For both your joys and aches only you can fully comprehend. My darlings who have opposite sex besties, how is it working out for you? Talk to me🤗

Are they?